Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
