I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize