I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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