this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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