it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
