They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
