The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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