I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize