Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
