If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
