Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
handjob tips. give me some.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
