my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Enjoy the penises
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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