wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
