im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
