I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
