Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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