My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
