you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
