We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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