Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
