I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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