I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
