New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
bring money and cleavage
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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