your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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