So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
