You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize