i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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