i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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