She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
