I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They took my balls.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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