worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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