I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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