Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize