Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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