nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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