Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
