please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
