i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
