i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
