yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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