nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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