party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
