Everything about him screamed your future.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
