U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
