He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
