is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
