I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
