i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sorry about my life...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
