What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
