whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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