Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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