And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
