Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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