I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
