well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I will be naked everywhere
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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