Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its about making memories worth repressing
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
