is wine microwaveable?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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