Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
