My room smells like vodka and shame
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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