Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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