The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
