I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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