is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
