I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
