Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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